Nicotine Blues
by monterad
Summary: You know they want them, you know they need them, what you don't know is what happens when the Bebop crew runs out of cigarettes! R&R my first fic please!!!
1. Monday

Okay, this is my first fic, I wanted it to be comedy, and being a former smoker, I just know how it feels when you need those damned things! Oh, and here goes the disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop *snif*  
  
  
  
Monday:  
  
One small push and Billy Geister fell right into the floor of the small cell. As he heard the metal door closing behind him, he turned his frightened face to look at his captor and his round, small, fearful eyes were met by the undecipherable red and green. From the other side of the bars, Spike Spiegel looked back at his bounty with skepticism. 'How could this little wuss be worth 900,000 woolongs?'. At least the new cell Jet built in the cargo room would be a suitable place for the dork. It took six days to get to Venus. and this guy looked so delicate. Spike could easily imagine Geister whimpering the entire week away if he had been handcuffed to some pipe, a common practice on the Bebop. Shrugging the thought off, Spike tuned around and started walking away. He felt satisfied with himself and looked forward some rest, but his disposition was suddenly shattered by a yell coming out of the Redtail.  
  
'Hey Spike, remember I am getting 80% on this one!' Faye yelled as she climbed out of the ship.  
  
'Why do you care so much about your share, its all going to end up in the casino anyway...' Spike stated calmly as he walked out of the cargo area.  
  
'What I do with MY SHARE in none of your business you lunkhead!' Retorted Faye, now red in the face and picking her pace after him.  
  
From the cockpit, Jet let out a big sigh and shook his head as he once again heard the bickering that had become so familiar to the Bebop crew. He really wasn't looking forward the six-day trip with Faye and Spike stuck together inside the ship. Then again, the automatic pilot would take care of everything and that left Jet with plenty of time to retreat into the bonsai room. Jet's expression lightened and he even started humming a tune as he worked on setting the coordinates to jump into the gate.  
  
Meanwhile, the fight had moved into the main area room, were Ed was happily hacking away. 'Don't you have anything better to do than to bother me Faye?' Spike murmured as he lay on the couch to think. After all those years in the Red Dragon. he was left with the training, the scars, and feeling of internal insipidness he carried with him ever since he had waltzed with death. And to top it off one day that shrew woman came along to push his buttons like it was damn near instinctive, and it was reciprocal, resulting in endless petty fights that slowly eroded the little patience he had left. As she stormed in into her room muttering vileness, he slowly reached into his pocket for the one thing that could calm his rebellious temper.  
  
And then he could not find it.  
  
Rapidly he reached for his other pocket. his eyes widened as his hand felt the emptiness. And then it hit him.  
  
He had run out of cigarettes!  
  
In less than an eye blink Spike was up on his feet and running towards the cockpit, thoughts racing through his head.  
  
'A six day trip'  
  
'I would rather die before asking Faye for one'  
  
'Once in inside the gate you cannot change the course'  
  
'Jet, turn back! Don't jump into the gate yet!' Yelled Spike as he rushed into the cockpit, and then he felt the telltale jerk of the ship going into hyperspace.  
  
Jet had just pushed the button.  
  
  
  
Okay! The first chapter of my first fic is finished! Interested? I will try to write the other chapters as soon as possible! Please review it, I really want to improve! 


	2. Tuesday

Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Tuesday:  
  
In the lounge of the Bebop, the sound of the clock is the only thing that disturbs the silence of space.  
  
Tic .. toc ..tic .. toc .. tic .. toc ..  
  
'Only five days, six hours and twenty-five minutes until we get to Mars...'  
  
Tic .. toc ..tic .. toc .. tic .. toc ..  
  
'Only five days, six hours and twenty- four minutes until we get to Mars....'  
  
Tic .. toc .. tic .. toc .. tic .. toc ..  
  
'Only five days, six hours and twenty- three minutes until we get to Mars..'  
  
'Pokey ... pokey ... Pokeeeeey ...' Chanted Ed as she sat next to the comatose-looking man on the couch and started poking the side of his cheek, trying to get any signs of awareness out of him.  
  
'Faye-Faye, what's wrong with the Spike person?'... 'Pokey... pokey ... pokey ...'  
  
'Maybe his body finally realized his head was lacking a brain and it has reacted accordingly' muttered Faye as she steped into the lounge where Spike lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling in a motionless manner.  
  
'Where's your braaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnn...Spike person?' sang the red headed girl as her pointed finger buried itself in his mop of green hair. Suddenly loosing interest, Ed extended one of her legs to the opposite direction and turned on the TV on the table...Big Shot was on.  
  
'Only five days, six hours and nineteen minutes until we get to Mars.'  
  
'Now that you mention it Ed, he has been acting weird since yesterday.' said Faye as she approached Spike. She noticed him a little pale, his eyes a little puffed and .. what was that shadow under his eyes? Dark circles!? She came dangerously close to him and stared right into his eyes... and all she got back was a blink as he stared blankly. Faye just continued to examine his face as her eyes narrowed and her nose wrinkled.  
  
'You know what Spike, for looking so bad you don't smell half as bad as you usually ...' her lips stopped moving an her eyes widened as all the evidence started to make sense in her head. Spike was always unbearable, but yesterday, after Jet jumped into hyperspace he was furious. Now, a day later, he was comatose. Also, upon closer examination he looked like crap, but he didn't smell like crap, in fact, he smelled like clean laundry...that only left one conclusion ....  
  
'Spike was out of cigarettes!'  
  
Faye's mouth formed a malicious grin that puzzled both Ed and Ein. She slowly distanced herself from Spike and sat on the opposite couch as she contemplated the endless possibilities of amusement this situation offered her, she was going to have fun with Spike and she knew it! Her imagination soared quickly, he brain firing images of Spike doing all sort of amusing chores for one little stick! Slowly, she reached into the pocket of her yellow jacket and she pulled out the little cigarette pack, she deliberately put a cigarette into her mouth and took out the lighter into her hand ..  
  
Play-time was about to start in three .. two .. one . ..  
  
Click ... click .. chhhhhhssssss ....  
  
The sound of the lighter suddenly brought Spike right back into reality. He stopped counting the days, hours and minutes left to get to Mars and locked his eyes on Faye, but most importantly, on the cigarette pack Faye was holding between her fingers. Sitting on the couch facing him, she stared right back at him mischievously, crossed her legs slowly and said.  
  
'Don't even think about it'  
  
What happened next is hard to describe, in one swift move Spike jumped at Faye, knocking off the TV screen on the table where Big Shot was playing. Faye, not expecting his reaction, screamed and fell backwards on her couch. Ed, confused by Faye's scream, jumped on Spike's back and started screaming her lungs out. And Ein, probably more confused than all of them, started barking and running before he adhered himself to one of Spike's trouser legs .. fangs first.  
  
Faye got up and started running all over the lounge with Spike after her, while Ed and Ein were still holding onto him! Jet, having just entered the lounge, found it all pretty comical since Big Shot was still playing on the TV and they were all running with the show's silly tune as the musical background. Finally, in one last, desperate attempt, Spike jumped and managed to grab Faye's legs. Faye fell onto the floor, with Spike, Ed and Ein on top of her! The blow was too much for her frame, she fell with a loud thud, her handgrip loosened and her cigarette pack slid free across the floor. The five of them stared as the little pack reached the other end of the room, but only Spike and Faye screamed as it went through the bars of the ventilation shaft . . disappearing out their sights forever.  
  
A little bit before they all had the chance to digest what had just occurred, but right before all hell would break loose between Spike and Faye, Jet wisely and quietly left the lounge and quickly closed the door as he entered the Bonsai room ..  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
K, my second chapter is finished!!! Thanks to my reviewers! Please tell me if you like it, I promise it will get more interesting and funny! 


	3. Wednesday

I do not own Cowboy Bebop!!!!!!!! ( I guess you all knew that )  
  
  
  
  
Wednesday  
  
  
  
'Ok, you two! I had forgotten about this... but I had this saved for and emergency, and I think we could use it right about now.'  
  
Spike and Faye, alert for a split second, sighed in unison as Jet walked into the lounge carrying a little teddy bear.  
  
'Unless I can smoke him, I do not think he will be of much help. Jet, do you think I am a little girl!' Half-screamed, half-cried Faye in response. It was unbelievable, but the crew of the Bebop had discovered that the woman could be even more irritable than usual without her daily dose of nicotine.  
  
'I DO think you are a little girl. But that is besides the point here.'  
  
'Well, for a little girl she sure has a BIIIIIIIIG appetite.' Teased Spike.  
  
'None of your business lunkhead!'  
  
'Oh, but it is Faye, because thanks to you not only am I facing the worst nicotine withdrawals, but I will also starve to death.'  
  
Faye rolled her eyes. Yes, so maybe she DID ransack and eat every food product stored on the Bebop this morning. The nicotine withdrawals had awoken in her a monstrous appetite, and it took up to the last cup of instant noodles to appease the beast. After Faye's food rampage, the only edible thing left on the Bebop was Ein's food, and they were going to feed it to Billy Geister, the latest bounty sitting in a cell in the Bebop. This decision was based solely as a matter of business ... the little dork was so fragile... and he was no good to them starved. If he died, there was no bounty, and without bounty, there was no money for new food. Man, life sucked sometimes...  
  
'Oh, yes, it is your business, because YOU were the one who lost my cigare...  
  
'Cut it OUT!' Said Jet, his patience running out fast. If he heard the discussion of who was to be blamed for this whole ordeal ONE MORE TIME he was going to throw both Spike and Faye out into hyperspace.  
  
'I don't like doggie-dog food...Ein likes doggie food... I don't like doggie food… Ein likes doggie foooooooood...' Sang Ed as she balanced one of Ein's food cans on her head.  
  
'Don't worry Ed, even if you did want a try, that can is not for you or Ein.' Sighed Jet.  
  
'Pooooooooooooor Ein, no doggie-dog food for Ein!!!' cooed Ed as she grabbed Ein and hugged the air out of him. Unknown to them, Ein had already figured this out after Faye's food rampage earlier.  
  
'Anyway, why don't we go back to talk about your buddy there.' Said spike and he pointed to the teddy bear in Jet's hand.  
  
'Oh, right! Well, remember that time that we got The Teddy Bomber? Well, turns out he didn't only used those stuffed bears to hide bombs inside them ... he used teddy bears to hide all sort of thing in them! Metro passes ... beer ... pictures of old girlfriends ... Anyway, after they took him away, the ISSP cleared his apartment and took it all, but I took this one little bear because I thought I could really use its contents, but then I forgot about it until today and blah blah blah blah blah…'  
  
Faye and Spike were not paying attention to Jet's words anymore, it was obvious to their nicotine deprived brains what he was trying to tell them. They waited patiently for him to finish so they could get their reward, the cigarettes inside the teddy!  
  
'blah blah blah ... in any case, here they are!' finished Jet as he dug unto the back of the Teddy.'  
  
An then there was silence...  
  
'Guys... this is NOT very funny. Who took the cigarettes?'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Please read:   
  
Tada! I finished the third chapter. Thanks to all my reviewers, you encourage me to write more! BTW, if you are thinking that this chapter sucked and was not as funny as Chpt2/Tuesday, it was like this on purpose! See, the real series have comical moments, but no chapter in CB is a complete laugh-a-thon! Humor in an episode in CB comes in waves, and I am trying to stay true to the series style. Regardless, please voice you opinions about this in the reviews, I am open to suggestions and I might change it, but you must admit this, the chapter is rather intriguing. Who took the cigarettes inside the Teddy!!!!!!??????? 


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